Woodsy Owl and Iron Eyes Cody would be so disappointed ...

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Lunchtime in a Can: 7/31/11

A small haul this time, but really, there's no need to make a huge mess in somebody's yard when you can create an entire meal in three easy steps:

1. Visit Family Dollar.
2. Purchase Vienna sausages.

3. Purchase Saltines.

I hear dinnerbells!  And only three pieces of trash to dispose of on your drive/walk home. Yes, this can was swarming with ants, and yes, I did pry up the lid to look inside it anyway (hence my discovery of the Saltine side dish). As a vegetarian, my understandable aversion to canned meats also comes with a healthy dose of curiosity about why anyone, even a devout carnivore, would eat the stuff. At about a dollar a can, plus maybe 50 cents for the crackers, I guess it is on the low end price-wise. But even a Taco Bell taco might have more (identifiable) meat for the money. See also:

Yes, that does say "Mechanically Separated Chicken."  Mmmm....

If you aren't well-versed in the finer points of Vienna sausages, don't miss this excellent primer over at Cheap Eats.

Lest you think I was raised to be a food snob, I remember that when my brother was a toddler, he used to make a fine repast out of some Vienna sausages and Zwieback toast. (Do lil' weezers not eat that anymore? Haven't seen it lately. Maybe Prussian/Russian hardtack has gone out of fashion for the teething set.) But toddlers aren't known for their sophisticated palates ("No, Junior, you must hold the oyster fork with your RIGHT hand!"), and I was busy stuffing my mouth with Fruity Pebbles at the time, so I didn't question his culinary preferences. And, hey, at least Vienna sausages and Zwieback sounded international.

Poor Vienna, one of the world's most cultured cities, still having to be associated with this stuff. I bet they kinda wish that butcher from Frankfurt had never moved to Austria. If Wikipedia is to be believed (why not?), guess that's why they call this kind of thing a "frankfurter" instead of "wienerwurste." That's it, keep trying to distance yourselves.

Heh-heh, just got distracted by a question posted at Yahoo! Answers: "Can you grow Vienna sausages?"

I suppose this could be kind of the perfect meal if you're out on a fishing boat or living in the sewer system or something, but I'd think you could do better with all the multifarious delights of Highway 54 at your disposal. Cafeteria-size lasagna, anyone?

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