Woodsy Owl and Iron Eyes Cody would be so disappointed ...

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Today's Haul: 2/6/11

So here, in a not-so-great photo (but you get the idea) is today's batch o' trash. This is just what I could carry without having taken a bag on my pickup; there are a few more tidbits left on the lawn that I'll deal with later. Overall, this is a pretty standard batch of detritus: McDonald's, Wendy's, "fun size" M&Ms, Goody's headache powders, etc. But a few highlights:

Exhibit A: Styrofoam cup with a hole ripped in the lid and plugged with a wadded-up Biscuitville wrapper. Somebody's idea of trash-compacting. Thanks for the help. Really.

Exhibit B: Please, people, don't use a straw to do the Dew. Mountain Dew is meant to be chugged, not sipped.

Exhibits C and D: Found in close proximity, so I'm no archaeologist but I'm going to imagine these were discarded by the same person. An empty (but carefully re-corked) bottle of Patron Silver (ah, see how it sparkles in the sunlight) and a wrapper from a Mrs. Freshley's Jelly Swirl Honeybun. Care to speculate on who might be shelling out 25 bucks for a small slurp of tequila to wash down a gas station pastry? That's cuisine/spirits pairing at its finest.

Exhibit E: My favorite find of the day. A scrap from a double-sided advertisement (there's a woman in lingerie on the B-side) for Zenerx Natural Male Enhancement. Imagine the scene in the car before this got ripped up and tossed into our yard. "45 dollars a bottle?! Forget that! I'll stick to my Extenze."


  1. I like the Patron bottle. Very Jersey Shore, and of course Snooki was in the area earlier this fortnight.... Maybe you have celebrity trash!

  2. Ooooh, I didn't even think of that! I didn't see any stray BumpIts lying around, though...

  3. I can appreciate the desire to drink high-end liquors, so maybe it's necessary to sacrifice on the snacks in order to afford the top-shelf stuff? If it was Snooki, though, she's got cash, so no excuses!

  4. Not that I have actually tasted Mrs. Freshley's creations. Maybe they're delectable enough to hold their own when consumed in tandem with a fine libation? Pardon me, Sam, I need to run out to the gas station for lunch ...